an attack of the ‘shoulds’

One of the hardest things I’ve had to do as I pursue a life that’s healthier for me, is deal with rewriting some very deep business conditioning.
What do I mean by this?

I learned how to run a business the “right” way after I started my business. It was a steep learning curve. But I did it. I met the benchmarks I set, made the money I was told I was supposed to make. I pursued building an empire, and I lost my soul somewhere along the way.

When the pandemic forced me to pause, I had the time and space to start examining what I had built and realized I didn’t want it.
So, as I intentionally build something new, build a business that is deeply intentional and designed to guide those who want to transform their lives and health, I get hit with a case of the “shoulds” every now and then. This week was one of those weeks.

I should be doing xyz to further my reach and build my client base.
I should be hustling to bring in more money as I continue to build this new coaching business.
I should be posting more.
I should be writing more.
I should be….

It fundamentally causes so much anxiety, because those shoulds aren’t from me. They’re from years of listening to experts, from years of doing things that slowly sucked my soul dry and stole my joy.
Shoulds are sneaky.
Shoulds keep us in the lies and keep us trying to keep up with the Joneses or the Kardashian’s or whoever or whatever is trending on tiktok.
Shoulds keep us away from joy. From slowing down and enjoying the process. They keep us from living life the way we are intended to live it: with joy, with fullness, with love, with hope.
What shoulds can you let go of?

Questions to consider when attacked by the ‘shoulds’:
-what shoulds have been plaguing you?
-can you do anything about them?
-is it something that NEEDS to be dealt with? Or is it something you think SHOULD be dealt with?
-will doing that thing bring more joy to your life?
-will doing that thing bring more peace to your heart and mind?
-is that should something someone else told you to do?
-what was their motivation?

When we recognize where these shoulds are coming from, we can identify which ones are based in fear (the fear of keeping up, the fear of not being enough, the fear of rejection, etc.) and which ones are based in love with something fundamentally better for us on the other side.

Let that difference be your guide.
And if you need help figuring this out–because trust me, I know what a major endeavor this can be–book a session with me, so we can figure it out together.