For the longest time, I was afraid of change. I hated change because it was hard and because I didn't want to have to justify myself to those around me who asked me questions about why I had changed.

I’ve come to realize, over the past two years of making some MAJOR life changes, that it’s less about me changing and more about those around me feeling confronted by the fact that change is happening around them. 

Change is hard. It’s hard because it makes us sit up and pay attention, and when we do that, we are confronted with all the things that are within our power to change. With this awareness of what COULD change, we now have a conscious choice to make: do we make the change, or do we keep going with how things are (and keep getting what we’ve always gotten)?  

This brings up a sort of discontent and another confrontation: am I truly content with how my life is? Or do I want to put in the effort to make changes that will get me something else? Most of the time, we choose to keep things how they are because “change is too hard” or “I don't even know where to start.”

I dealt with a lot of backlash over the changes I decided to make when I chose to close my business and move to Italy. 

• Why was I abandoning my patients?

• What was so wrong with my life that I needed to blow it all up and start over so far away?

• What did I hope to accomplish?

• What was I gonna do now?

• Why would I give up something I am so good at and basically waste my talent?
  

These were all questions I was asked by people around me when I started sharing my plans to move.

Much more rarely (truly, only a handful of times) I had a few people honestly share in my joy. They were excited for me. They embraced the adventure alongside me. They encouraged me.

This is part of what makes change so hard. The sheer lack of support because people are too uncomfortable with changes that aren’t even about them. 

I spent a lot of time mad about that. Not the best use of my time, by the way.  Since realizing that, I’ve endeavored to *gasp* make a change.

• When someone shares a change they want to make with me (which, by the way, is the basis of my coaching job and why people reach out to me in the first place) I acknowledge first and foremost: this isn't about me.

• Then, because it’s still not about me and I know how isolating change can be, I congratulate them in some way. “Wow! That’s huge! I’m so happy/proud/excited for you!” I do my best to take the time to sit in that state of big feelings with them however long they want.

• Then, because it’s STILL not about me, I ask them if there are ways I can support them. While this is usually implied in my coaching and in personal life, I still try to ask this question because not everybody wants or needs my support beyond sharing in the knowledge of the change they are endeavoring to make.

After that, I let the thing happen and appreciate that what they’re attempting is incredible. Full stop. It doesn’t even depend on the outcome of the change made. 

Change is already hard. We don't need to make it harder by not supporting each other in the changes we make. 

Change is confronting because when something around us changes that we have no control over, we are forced to examine what that means and adapt to it.

Change is a choice. One of the reasons I couldn’t stand living in Italy is that very little has changed. And while there’s a romance to it, there’s also the realization that they are cutting off their nose to spite their face. (They’re willfully choosing not to change even the simplest of things that would make general life a little bit easier.) 

As I’ve learned to embrace change, I’ve also realized that not everything works out, but that doesn’t mean it failed, or I failed.

Italy didn’t work out, but it taught me a lot about my values, being isolated, what I prefer in a hometown versus what I prefer on a holiday, what I’m willing to pay for with time, with energy, with other resources, and what I am capable of as an individual without a support system in place.

Italy was not a failure despite it not working out the way I had expected, but I had to be brave enough to attempt the change and weather the backlash and naysayers to make it happen. And I've come to embrace that this is what I do. I ride the waves of change and I'm decently more comfortable and more adept at it.