is it a weakness

I remember growing up thinking I was lazy because I didn’t “push” myself physically.
As I got into the working world, I saw people around me glorified for running themselves ragged–doing all the things at work, taking care of the family, “enjoying” their packed weekends.
I can rest once I’ve finished this project, ticked off this task, answered these emails….

But what if I actually listened to what my body was asking for?
What if, when my body said “rest” I didn’t take it as a challenge to do more?
What if, I didn’t think I was lazy and, instead, listened to those soft warning bells before it became an unrelenting siren that ran to my bones?
What if I didn’t fear the lie that resting equates to laziness?
What if I heard that whisper, that sigh, that heaviness in my shoulders and, instead of pushing through, went and sat on my couch and looked out the window or went and laid down in my gloriously comfortable bed?
But there’s work to be done! Yes, there is. And it will get done. When I have rested.
But there are deadlines! Yes, there are. And they can be negotiated. (I feel you pull away and tell me, nuh uh! But trust me when I say, there is always room to negotiate something in those spaces.)
But there are commitments! Yes, there are. And I know that honoring commitments is important. So is having an honest conversation that, if I try to keep my commitment, no one will get the best of me and everyone will feel cheated.
These things, these thoughts, ideas, truths, go hard against what we’ve been told our whole lives. What we’ve been taught to value above all else.
I have seen the cost of not resting.
A body that is crumbling.
A mind that is running out of hope and lightness.
Emotions so frayed that all that’s left is a primal response.
Sickness. Pain.

I have learned hard lessons over the years, but this ranks way up there.
There is a time to push the capacity of our body so it can grow and thrive and flourish. We are good at that.
There is a time to listen when our body is at capacity and allow it time to rest and recover. We are so very bad at that.
Just stop.
Listen.
Rest.