thankful merry and bright

I’ve been reflecting over the past week of what’s made me happy, thankful, merry and bright this year. This year has a been a tough one. A weird mix of a continuation of 2020 while trying to pretend that somehow our lives weren’t altered by 2020. It’s a weird stripped down thing. I have become more aware and a bit more comfortable in holding on to cognitive dissonance this year since my life has been a big bag of opposing emotions. The shadow and light. The hard and easy. The highs and lows. The good coffee and bad pizza.

You ready for a big ole list of what’s transpired in my life this past 11 months, in no particular order?

  • selling my house without listing it

  • having a brother who not only is taking care of my dog, but packed up an entire house on his own. (this is a HUGE BIG THING I AM SO THANKFUL FOR)

  • being able to go to America to celebrate important birthdays

  • moving to Italy

  • navigating social systems in Italy (though this ultimately was a HUGE factor in why I left, being able to navigate them is something I am very grateful for)

  • answering a last minute ad for an apartment in Holland. (short version-I found the apartment Tuesday afternoon, got the number for landlord that night, contacted him the next morning, was on a train to the Netherlands-through Switzerland and Germany-2 hours later, saw the apartment Thursday, officially had an offer Friday morning, signed the papers Sunday and the lease started that Wednesday. If this doesn’t blow your mind, we should chat)

  • having the freedom to move to the Netherlands despite a pandemic (so many hours on planes and trains)

  • exploring Venice without tourists

  • climbing to the terraces on the Duomo in Florence

  • being a small business owner with an exceptional client base

  • being able to drop everything and spend a month with friends navigating birth and cancer simultaneously

  • a network of women around the world who are business owners and creatives that keep me accountable to my goals, cheer me on and offer friendship and critical feedback in equal measure

  • my family-vague, I know. But the length I would have to write to cover everything would leave you cross-eyed and bored to tears. So I will keep the specifics in my heart.

  • living completely on my own (this one is definitely a mixed bag. I love being on my own and being solely responsible for my dwelling. But I miss my brother and the dogs fiercely. I miss being connected to my family. I don’t like learning to navigate communication from half a world away, but this a shadow of one, living my dream and two, loving my family but not being close to them anymore)

  • my car. I never knew how attached a person could get to a car, but I LOVED my car. In fact, I dreamed of it last night. That has never happened before with any of the other cars I have owned in my life. I am also thankful that when I knew I was moving and was going to sell my car, I picked a value that I wanted to get out of my car. It was a high value. And I got that exact amount 20 minutes after listing my car online.

  • my dog. I love her and I miss her and I am so thankful my brother was willing to take her on for me.

  • being able to own original art

  • having plants in my home

  • having an outdoor space to relax

  • my camera and the art I create with it.

  • successfully closing a business WELL. When I knew I was going to close, my biggest concern was closing it well, wrapping up relationships, treatment plans etc, while navigating the business side of closing a business (not done yet as the government LOVES paperwork). Closing was hard. Not all of my patients understood why I was leaving, a lot still don’t, and honoring their confusion and loss while doing what I needed to do to move on was a new and hard thing for me. I am proud to say, I did it well.

  • having the opportunity to explore church online

  • being able to learn about human design and finally spend time resting and not endlessly hustling

  • recovering from burnout

  • getting certified in Transformational Coaching

  • my mountains of Lego I get to reconstruct.

  • consistently working internet

  • delicious coffee and delightful tea

  • grocery stores that are easy to access

  • a plethora of varied restaurants (and delivery)

  • the skylight over my bed that lets me stargaze

  • being able to watch the sunset and sunrise from my home
    Things that have made me happy, thankful, merry and bright:

    More than anything, here is what I am taking away from this exercise: I always have at least one thing I can be happy about or thankful for. One thing that brings a bit of merry and bright into everyday. Even if it is something really small. And while a lot of this year was VERY hard for me, there was so much good as well. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to ferret out the good, but there is good. If you can’t find yours, feel free to borrow mine for the time being.