two whole years

Officially I have been a resident of the Netherlands for just over 2 years now. The anniversary of my move to Dordrecht slipped right on by in the midst of not having internet and having the apartment below me in the middle of a renovation.

But, it's true. It’s been 2 years since I moved here. Longer since leaving America. I was having a conversation on Sunday with my language teacher about the crappy content in the language class (basically all subjects are somehow focused only on finances). And I realized, this is an aspect of living here that I hate. But there were aspects of living in Italy that I disliked so much that I moved. And, same with America. No matter where we go, nowhere is 100% perfect. Still, somehow, this has become home.

It’s not because I spend so much time with family (I don’t). It’s not because I have a plethora of friends that I’m visiting during the week (I don’t). It’s not because my income is better, or the scenery is prettier.  It’s just become my home. I live big here. I live small here. Life is regular. Just like it was in America.

I don’t understand why this has become home when I miss the mountains and my dog and my family so deeply, but it’s true. 

Life is weird that way. Things that are true aren’t always logical. I can’t explain why I’m here and why, for now, I don’t want to leave. I can do my work from anywhere and yet, here is home. Nine times out of ten, I will have to go to America if I want to see my immediate family again. In some ways, I’ve made life “harder” on myself. But in doing that, I have uncovered so much joy, so much freedom. I have had the time and the space to get so clear on what I value and allow life to unfold before me in such a surprising and delightful way. I have made and broken and cultivated relationships in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

My life looks very close to what I imagined back in 2021: helping clients with their health through online sessions, not working nearly as much as I was, lowering my stress levels and enjoying a slow life.

My life also looks very different to what I imagined. I never saw myself utilizing human design or functional medicine to help my clients get the most out of their lives and help them put puzzle pieces together that have never seemed to fit. I didn’t expect to foster and deepen friendships with women in the UK and Australia. I expected to know more Dutch than I do. 

Learning to let life unfold, to loosen my tight hold on my expectations, to watch in wonder as my boring days continually surprise me, that is an incredible way to live and I am forever grateful that these past 2 years have taught me so much.